Julius and I went for a four-mile walk while listening to Sapiens. After arriving home I told Shauna it was gym time for me.

“Babe, it’s happening.” Shauna had begun the pre-labor process. Unlike in TV where people freak out over this stuff, it was all chill. We had a plan.

Where does our knowledge come from? It was hard not to wonder how much of my reality was controlled by TV, when I learned in our pregnancy classes that a woman’s water breaking is not an emergency. You do not rush to the hospital, as we see happen in every show depicting pregnancy. Many women never have their water break at all. My knowledge of what birth was like was complete nonsense. It all came from media. What other junk is in my brain?

Shauna and I agreed that a hospital birth with drugs wasn’t right for us. We weren’t ready for a home birth and thus decided to have Cyra in a midwifery. Most of you have never heard of a midwifery, and indeed I also hadn’t.

Midwifery, as known as obstetrics, is a health science and health profession that deals with pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period (including care of the newborn), besides sexual and reproductive health of women throughout their lives. In many countries, midwifery is a medical profession. A professional in midwifery is known as a midwife.

My first piece of advice to those telling people you’re going to have a “natural child birth” is, don’t. Everyone knows everything about how babies are and should be born. AREN’T YOU WORRIED YOUR BABY IS GOING TO DIE?!

Everyone has a “horror story” about a midwife. What about hospital horror stories? Confirmation bias for the dominant narrative (hospitals are good and midwives and doulas are for dirty hippies) means you’ll only hear about problems during birth that happen at midwiferies rather than at hospitals.

The midwifery has a full staff of nurses and mid-wives. They all have traditional educations. There is also a hospital nearby for emergencies. According to our midwifery, fewer than 97% of women do not need to leave for a doctor’s office.

Our midwifery only selects women with low-risk pregnancies. You’re required to undergo extensive childhood education.

What if the mother needs a C-section?

Most C-sections are not emergency based. Giving birth is treated as an assembly line process in most hospitals. If the mother isn’t producing the child fast enough, cut her open!

In the United States, however, about one in three births happen by C-section, a rate that has risen dramatically over the past few decades, from 5 percent in 1970 and 20 percent in 1996. By contrast, about 16 percent of births in Finland and 24 percent in the United Kingdom are from C-sections.

From 5% to 33%? Did babies become massively bigger or the past few decades? Think about it.

Doulas.

A doula is a birthing coach, and the right doula is a game-changer for a man.

A doula (/ˈduːlə/), also known as a birth companion and post-birth supporter, is a nonmedical person who assists a person before, during, and/or after childbirth, as well as her spouse and/or family, by providing physical assistance and emotional support. The provision of continuous support during labour is associated with improved maternal and fetal health and a variety of other benefits, including lower risk of induction and interventions and less need for pain relief.

Shauna’s contractions began increasing in intensity around 2:30 p.m. Let’s be real here. A man isn’t going to be able to provide the type of emotional support a woman needs as the contradictions begin.

Our doula arrived at 3:30, and I waited downstairs while she and Shauna’s mom coached her through the process.

Shauna’s doula was also her hypnosis coach, as Shauna and I went through Hypnobabies together. (Hypnobabies was pretty good, although the program would be considerably better if it adopted Gorilla Mindset techniques.)

We arrived at the midwifery at 6:02 p.m. There wasn’t any drama or freak-outs, which is unusual if you’ve ever seen a movie depicting birth. We got settled in. It was low-key at first.

Once it was go-time, I stayed in the delivery room (which as you can see above is a bedroom) with Shauna and used mindset coaching during the delivery. We had developed some mantras and Gorilla Mindset framing techniques to guide her through the pain.

One technique we developed together was to imagine what she’d say to Cyra when she was born. When in pain, we’d change Shauna’s focus. “Imagine Cyra is on your chest. What are you going to say to Cyra when you see her?”

Shauna rocked it.

Our first child, Crya, was born at 8:38 p.m., weighing in at 6 pounds and 11 ounces. It was a smooth delivery process at a midwifery assisted by a doula. Shauna did not take any pain medication. Cyra arrived with eyes wide open, looking alert.

While I am not here to sell anyone on midwifery, my experience with the process of delivery was another reminder that most of what we know (or think we know) is a lie.

By the way, Gorilla Mindset techniques work during labor. They work all of the time, because mindset is everything.

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